Goodbyes and New Beginnings

Having a son is the best thing and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. When I was pregnant with Kit, people were quick to tell me to get as much sleep as I can before he came, and enjoy my last bit of time alone while I could. I was so excited to hold my baby, I would just sit there and cry. He was so close and I couldn’t hold him. Fast forward a few months, he wouldn’t let me put him down unless I gave him to Jared. He loves being held so much, he can’t go to sleep without it. 

Even though sometimes I’m exhausted from all the demands of motherhood, I hold on to every moment. I miss him so much when he’s asleep in his crib. Having a son is wonderful and exciting and so, so hard. It’s a series of missed goodbyes. I never got to say goodbye to my newborn; I never noticed him moving into the next stage until he was already there. He’s already over a year old. What happened?

A little over a week ago, it was our last time breastfeeding. I didn’t know it was our last time, but it was time and I couldn’t go on any longer. I always expected the end of the weaning process to be some big proud moment, but the truth is, it was just sad for me. It wasn’t even a recognizable moment. I thought I might go on another week or two. I didn’t get to say goodbye to breastfeeding, but all good things come to an end, and I’m happy I could provide Kit’s nourishment for as long as he needed it. He’s busy learning how to do things for himself now. We’re getting lots of snuggles to make up for it!

Motherhood isn’t just a series of goodbyes. It’s a series of new beginnings! I’m always going to be proud of who he’s becoming.